


I'm your density

by Bluepinky



Category: Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bisexual Steve Rogers, But he doesn't know it yet, F/M, M/M, Natasha Romanov Feels, POV Natasha Romanov, Time Travel, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-09
Updated: 2018-07-06
Packaged: 2019-03-02 21:49:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13327053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bluepinky/pseuds/Bluepinky
Summary: “Yeah, I know. Look, I can’t get hold of him for the last three days either and Jarvis tells me he’s in his workshop... I’m just-- you know how he gets.” He sighed at the end and Natasha could tell that he was exhausted. Worrying about Tony, when he has two idiots to worry about already, wasn't doing him any good.aka Tony found dad's old journal and Rogers owes Natasha big time.





	1. Big Bright Light

**Author's Note:**

> I shamelessly stole the title from one of my favourite movies. Who can guess which one?

No matter what people might think, Natasha does get lonely and seeks company of other people. Now, living with Avengers and Pepper and occasionally Jane and Darcy, even more than ever. She’s so used to someone being always around, that being alone in the Tower was actually more unnerving than anything else. 

Well, Tony was tinkering with his suit in the basement, so there was no point to even try and Ja... Barnes would rather get kicked in the balls than to be alone in one room with her. 

She isn’t stupid. She knows he knows and he knows she knows that he knows...

So where is the problem? The only explanation she came up with, is that he simply didn’t want to talk about it. Didn’t want to be reminded of it and probably was hoping to forget. 

She can’t blame him, can she?

It’s just... when Steve brought him back, there was a little flicker of hope that she hasn’t been able to flush down. Not mentally and not with alcohol. And when she caught him staring at her or absent-mindedly reach for her hair... and let’s not forget three days ago when they were paired for sparing and it felt more like a dance routine than anything else. They were perfectly in-sync and it felt--

He isn’t  _ her _ James! He isn’t the Winter Soldier. He isn’t even Steve’s Bucky. He is none of them and all of them at once. She is clinging to some version of him that doesn’t even exist anymore. He is-- he is...

Barnes.

That’s it. 

Goddammit! She needs to go out, needs a mission or at least Clint to talk to, but he is out on an OP with Cap and Wilson.

_ Who’s strong and brave, here to save the American Way? Who vows to fight like a man for what’s right night and day? _

Talk of the devil.

Natasha took the phone out of her hoodie pocket and grinned, The Star Spangled Man himself grinning back at her.

“So, did you guys fuck up and finally admitting you need my help?”

“Nat,” she Steve chuckled. “We are good and I hope you are getting some rest after--” 

“Is she being mean again?” She heard Sam in the background and had to laugh. “Tell her she owes me pancakes because I’m killing it with this spy stuff.”

“Tell Wilson I’ll hold my end of the deal after I see results and as for Tony, I haven’t seen him for the past three days.” If Steve isn’t calling because of the mission, he is calling because of Tony.

“Yeah, I know. Look, I can’t get hold of him for the last three days either and Jarvis tells me he’s in his workshop... I’m just-- you know how he gets.” He sighed at the end and Natasha could tell that he was exhausted. Worrying about Tony, when he has two idiots to worry about already, wasn't doing him any good. 

“I’ll check on him. Try to get him to bed or at least make sure he gets some food...” 

“Thank you.” 

It is the perfect distraction.

* * *

 

Natasha ordered Chinese before heading down to find Tony and to her surprise, the workshop was completely silent. No rock music playing on full blast, no loud cursing, nothing.  

Tony was sitting on the ground in his sweats and the same shirt she saw him three days ago and even then he probably had it for a few days. His back was to her and he was hunched over something she was not able to identify. 

“Tony,” she announced herself before she was too close. He turned his head to look at her and Natasha’s eyes widened in shock. He was dirty, sweaty and with big bags under his eyes. 

“Romanoff, are you playing babysitter again?” He looked down at the weird looking thing that was laying in front of him. It was a small metallic circle with several wires attached to something that looked awfully similar to Tony’s old arc reactor.

Natasha sat down next to him on the cold floor and the first wave of Tony’s smell hit her. He was a mess, but whatever he was working on had to be pretty big.

“Maybe if you stopped acting like a baby I wouldn’t have to.” She opened the takeout containers in hopes to cover Tony’s sweat a little and make him hungry. “What are you doing anyway?” She didn’t even try to hide her interest, he seemed so out of it she doubts he’d notice.

Tony took the container from her hand and handed her a leather journal instead. The leather was worn out, old and when she opened it the first page had the name Howard Stark printed on it. Natasha's stomach tightened uncomfortably. 

She didn’t know what to expect, but she knew whatever was in there, she was not going to understand it.  She looked up at Tony who was stuffing his mouth with spring rolls and obviously waiting for her to continue reading. So she did.

The pages were filled with equations and sketches, a lot of it crossed out or written over. 

Natasha was just glancing at the pages, but the whole 200 or so pages were in the same state of disarray. No wonder Tony looked this bad.

“What is it?” She asked finally and Tony smirked at her, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. He reached out for the metal circle and handed it to her.

“Be a dear a put it on the table.” Natasha raised an eyebrow in question and Tony raised his as an answer. With an annoyed huff, she got up and took the circle carefully from his hands and put it up on the table. 

Now that Natasha could see it standing up it looked like--

“Tony, what is it?!” Her voice was urgent; the uncomfortable feeling in her stomach grew stronger. He was doing something with the reactor and before she could do anything she was blinded for a second by a bright blue light.

When she got her wits back and see without white spots in her vision, she noticed the light was coming from the center of the device. 

Tony was still sitting on the ground so Natasha grabbed him by his shirt and yanked him up to his feet.

“Hey, hey! Calm down!” He put his hands up in surrender and thrust the journal into her free hand. He had a huge self-satisfied smile on his face as he did so. “Two words - Time. Travel.”

Natasha shook her head because she has to be dreaming right now, but if she isn’t and he’s telling the truth...

“You fucking idiot!” She released Tony’s shirt and covered her eyes with the palm of her hand. They have to destroy it and destroy any evidence of it. With all the people running around and having it out for them, this could only end badly.

“Ow, fuck!” Tony yelped, clutching his head in one of his hands and the other one on the table to support himself. He was probably sitting down for too long and didn’t sleep for days.

“Turn it off and when you get some sleep, this has to go, Tony.” Natasha’s voice left no room for argument, but she saw Tony was ready to fight for it nevertheless.

“This is a scientific breakthrough, Romanoff! It’s staying here!” He raised his hand from the table to point a finger at her and staggered before falling head first onto the table. Natasha tried to catch him, but only managed to catch his shirt as his head hit the metallic circle.

She saw the bright light expand the second Tony touched it. Everything slowed down and she watched as it enveloped his head and down to his neck where she had her hand. It was warm, almost too much to bare and Natasha tried to move and yank Tony away from it, but before her hand even reacted, another lightning blinded her.

  
  



	2. When?

Natasha watched in slow motion as Tony fell on a carpeted floor. Hands dangling uselessly by his sides and she realized he was out. She knew this was going to hurt, but before she had the time to finish her thoughts she fell face first on top of Tony.

She groaned in pain as she raised her head and it felt like something was stabbing her temples. She closed her eyes forcefully for a second until the pain subsided a little and she could look around without seeing spots.

Natasha turned her head to look over her shoulder, hoping to see the same blue light that spat them out here. Nothing. Just a wall with some weird painting.

It was a dark room with what seemed like a lot of bookshelves, a desk, and a leather sofa they fell in front of. It was hard to make more shapes because the only thing illuminating the room was from behind the closed doors. The translucent glass made it impossible to tell what was happening on the other side, but she couldn’t hear any noises or see any shapes. What really caught her attention was the lack of windows.

“What the hell?” She whispered and got off Tony, kneeling next to him and slowly turning him onto his back to look at his head. He had a gash on his forehead and nose and his lip was split as well. She used the sleeve of her hoodie to wipe some of the blood around his lips and nose. He looked like hell, but he was breathing.

“Oh no, pal. Everyone is getting an upgrade.” There was a voice coming from the other side of the door - hallway maybe? - accompanied by two sets of footsteps. She quickly grabbed the journal that flew out of her hand when she fell and turned back to Tony.

“Tony,” she whispered and shook him gently. He stirred, his eyes fluttering open for a split second before closing again. “Fuck!” She looked around, trying to find somewhere to hide both of them, but there was nothing. Nowhere to hide and nowhere to run. She shoved the journal into his sweats, securing it with the strings and covering the rest with his shirt.

“You don’t think you’d be the only one getting new toys, right?” She heard the man chuckle and stop outside the door and then the key, unlocking the door.

Natasha got up, shielding Tony’s body with her own and ready to fight. It was just two men. If she should judge by their footsteps, one was average height, slim, confident. The other one seemed heavier and a lot taller, but also dragging his feet behind him. Either sleepy or an idiot. Hardly the worst situation she’s ever been in.

She calmed her breathing as the door opened and she saw a hand reaching for the light switch. A soft lighting came from a lamp above her head and then the door finally swung open fully. In came a man sporting a mustache and... where the hell had she seen him before?

“Who the hell-” The man started, but was interrupted by Natasha’s yelp when the other man came into the office.

“Steve!” She felt like a huge stone fell from her chest when she recognized the chiseled cheekbones and blue eyes. Fucking Stark was probably just missing him and-

“What are you wearing?”  

He was in a uniform? Military one, too.  His hair slicked back and his face-- was the other man an enemy? An ally? That would explain why he looked so familiar, she just couldn’t remember which one it was. Her head was still spinning and the headache was coming back.

“Whatever, just help us,” she turned around and bend down to get Tony up onto his feet. “He needs some stitches--” A hand grabbed her by her forearm and yanked her up to her feet.

“Who are you and how did you get here?” She heard Steve hiss into her ear and she felt her whole body going limp. Steve caught her with both hands around her midsection, while she was trying to find her footing, but nothing was happening. Her vision blurred and her heart hammered in her chest as if trying to escape.

She felt Steve moving her to the big leather sofa and gently arranging her to sit down. Steve kneeled in front of her with both hands cupping her face “Hey! Hey, are you okay?” Natasha tried to say something but her eyelids became heavy and all she could manage was a slur of letters.

“Stark! Go get someone!” 

Her gaze fell to Tony, who was still lying unconscious on the floor before her eyes closed completely.

 

* * *

 

 

She was watching Tony on the other side of the room. He was sitting on the awful medical bed, his hand handcuffed to it, just like hers, and lost in thoughts. The room was clean, white, cold... Not unlike the ones she remembered as a child or the ones she’s only seen in movies now.

Her wrists were begging to itch and even if getting out of the handcuffs would be easy, she decided to play along was the best option here. Still, her patience was wearing thin.

They took the journal, too. There was no way of getting out of this mess quietly, but that was not what got her worried. Tony was uncharacteristically quiet and she’d bet her left arm that it had everything to do with _him_.

How could she miss it? She saw Steve’s face and every one of her guards fell down. She was getting soft, lazy.

“Okay, Doc. Where are we? _When_ are we?” Now, with her head clear, it was not hard to realize why the man looked so familiar. How could she miss it even with her focus off was beyond her. Tony was a spitting image of younger Howard Stark. Their features, brown eyes filled with wonder and childlike excitement. The only difference was, Tony was worn down, tired, betrayed, killed and reborn again and no amount of happiness and love could make those shadows go away.

Tony raised his eyes, lips curling into a grin and Natasha counted that as a win. “Are you quoting Back to the Future, Romanoff?” She knew he’d appreciate the reference.

“London, sweetcheeks. September 17th, 1944 to be exact.” Stark came bursting through the doors, the leather journal in hand.

She heard Howard talk to Tony, waving one journal in front of his eyes before taking out another one that looked exactly the same, but she couldn’t focus.

  1. There was a 16 years old her in Russia. Still thinking she’s training to become a ballerina. Just a few more months of blissful ignorance...



“So, you gonna tell me who you are?” Howard had a knowing smile, the same one Tony sports when he just wants you to say something he already knows.

Tony looked at Natasha who shrugged in response. Not many ways to go here and they needed to get back somehow.

“I think you already know, dad.”

 


	3. Sweetcheeks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to once again thanks to [@mushewhosta](http://mushewhosta.tumblr.com/) for putting up with me and saving my ass. She's the best and you should totally check out her art. 
> 
> Also, thank you everyone who left kudos and/or comments. I like to look at them when I'm feeling down and you are all so lovely :-)

Howard’s smile grew wider, not breaking eye contact with Tony. She could see Howard’s face in the two-way mirror behind Tony, looking down at him with something close to adoration. There was no trace of doubt on Howard’s face as he watched Tony staring back at him with his jaw set. Like he was getting himself ready for a fight. Maybe for him, this was.

“You have to tell me everything!” Howard’s voice broke the uncomfortable silence, a few octaves higher than it was before. It bounced off the empty white walls and made Natasha’s hair stand.

“I really don’t think we should,” Natasha looked over at Tony, who just nodded.

“Oh, no, of course not. Just where are you from? Who is the president and who are you.” Howard turned over to Natasha, pointing a finger at her.

“2018, you don’t wanna know and Natasha Romanoff,” she answered quickly, expecting those questions. She’s seen enough movies.

“Lovely to meet you, sweetcheeks. Are you and my son here a thing?” His eyes flicked to Tony and his smile turned wolfish.

“I literally just told you my name, dude,” Natasha rolled her eyes.

“Is that your main concern here, Romanoff? Really?” Tony raised an eyebrow, sounding more annoyed than anything.

“Uhm, yes? Things are gonna change a lot in his lifetime. He better get used to it.”

“I see we are getting a little bit off track here,” Howard stepped in, finally looking confused. 

”Look, they are not ready to let you off completely just yet, but the good news is, we have some time to go over your notes.” Howard threw one of the journals on the bed next to Tony and opened the other one. “I have to say, the things here are amazing. You are a genius, pal.”

Tony looked like he wasn’t sure if he wanted to scoff at Howard’s praise or to bask in it. “What, like it’s hard?”

From then on it was just Tony and Howard talking about all the details Howard missed, miscalculated, forgot. Natasha understood most of the words separately, but together they made no sense to her.

Tony was staring in bewilderment at Howard when he wasn’t looking. Looking almost scared in some moments. She wasn’t sure what that was about, but she understood the bewilderment. This young man sitting opposite her? It was not like the Howard Stark she saw in all those videos and interviews she watched after she was assigned to Stark all those years ago. He seemed nothing like the man she heard about from people who knew him. From Tony.

Then again, war like the one they appeared in the middle of, takes a toll on everyone. Having people dying on you, left and right. People you were trying so hard to protect-

“Hate to break this family reunion, but I need to pee? Also, something to drink would be nice. Vodka preferably.” And most importantly - she needed some alone time with Tony. 

The Stark men looked up at her and, hell, was it freaky. 

“Oh, of course, I can arrange something for you, sweetcheeks.” Did Howard just wink at her? The apple really does not fall far from a tree. “Just wait here a second.”

Howard stood up, leaving the journals on the bed next to Tony, and then knocked on the metal door. Natasha noticed only one figure standing outside the door, but was sure there was at least one more guard outside.

“What the fuck,” Tony breathed out, his eyes out of focus.

Natasha shook the handcuff off her wrist the second the door closed behind him and she heard the locks being put in place. She took Howard’s place on the bed next to Tony and got his handcuff off, too. Someone will either come and handcuff them again, or they’ll just wait and see what will happen.

His face was still swollen, ugly bruises starting to form on his forehead and around his eye. The sour smell coming from him worse in the little, closed space.

“Look, we need to get our story straight. What we can and can not tell. What are the possibilities if we fuck up?” She whispered close to his ear. She let her hair fall over her shoulder, covering their lips from any eyes behind the two-way mirror behind them. 

“I don’t know, Romanoff. It’s not like I’ve done this before.” His fingers rubbed along the red line that formed around his wrist, his voice thin. “The last place I’d want to visit would be this.” His hands flew out, gesturing at their surroundings.

It seemed like they have a little more time. No one came in yet, which meant that they were watching them closely.

“Well, you obviously wanted to. How else would we end up here?” 

“You think I wanted to see my dad? The last thing I’d ever want to witness is the time my dad and Steve are buddies. It was just some date I found in the journal.”  He spat out the words like they were actually burning in his mouth.

Okay, so there was the problem. There were probably some deep-rooted issues, that, honestly, were not that hard to guess. She knew about Howard’s obsession with Captain America and about Tony’s obsession to always do more. Be better. She saw the tolls it took on him when something went wrong. Steve and Natasha came to realize that not everyone can be always saved. No matter how much it hurt. No matter how much you hate yourself. Sometimes you can’t save everyone. 

But Tony wore those mistakes like a straitjacket, unable to get it off and take a breath. Sometimes it led him to some very dark corners, like Ultron, and sometimes it led him to something amazing like the suit for Peter, but it all came from the same place - fear of not being able to save everyone.

What would Howard think if he found out that the man he admired so much, and his son, the person who could never be enough for him, were deeply, stupidly in love.

Natasha figured it was not the place nor the time for a session. She took a deep breath to calm herself down. “Okay, but Legally Blonde?”

“Felt fitting,” he smiled at her, but his eyes looked tired, sad, confused... It was a while since she saw him like this.

 

* * *

It took an hour for Howard to come back and Natasha really needed to pee now. Bottle of vodka and three glasses in hand and Steve Rogers in tow. His eyes wary, looking from Natasha to Tony from his spot by the door. His hands on his hips, flexing nervously. Tony’s eyes watching Steve with so much hurt and emotions it would be less obvious to just scream they were in love. 

“I see you got out of your shackles,” Howard commented as he handed both her and Tony a glass of vodka. “I’m impressed. So tell me-”

“How do you know me?” Steve asked, looking at Natasha, but his eyes flicking over to Tony every so often. Howard inclined his head and shuffled a little to the side.

“Who doesn’t know you, Cap?” She answered easily, taking a sip. She could get out of this, she just needed to be calm and not let Tony talk.

“No-- Y-you called me Steve,” he took a step closer, puffing out his chest to appear bigger. This would probably be very intimidating if not for the fact, that this Steve? He looked like a little puppy compared to  _ their _ Steve. This Steve was still nervous dealing with people face to face. His eyes and tone indicated curiosity, not demands. 

“Well, aren’t you?” She raised an eyebrow, trying to move and sound as nonchalantly as the situation allowed. This would not fly with their Steve, he would already be in her space, telling her to drop the act. This maybe won’t be as hard as she thought.

Steve blinked a few times. “But you  _ know _ me, don’t you?”He walked slowly towards them as he talked, “you were glad to see me back in Howard’s office, you asked for my help.”

“We are-- your friends,” Tony blurted out, ignoring as Natasha turned around to give him a death stare.

Steve stopped dead in his tracks, his mouth agape.

“Friend?! But that’s over 70 years from now!” Howard made his presence known again, stepping between them and Steve. “How old is he? Was it the serum--”

“Look, ” Natasha raised her voice to get both of their attention. “We really should not talk to you about this. We just wanna get home and try not to fuck it up.” 

And mainly, she did not need Tony even more stressed than he already was.

Silence. They were just staring at her.

”Ohhhh,” Natasha grinned, “was it the yelling or the  _ fuck _ ?”

She was pretty sure it was the fuck, but she had to ask just for the pure enjoyment of seeing both Howard and Steve’s face.

She did not get an answer before the metal door opened and another--

“Hey, Steve! We got something.” The man looked around the room, a piece of hair falling into his eyes and... she couldn’t look away. Couldn’t... couldn’t do anything. It was as if the bottle of all the emotions she kept hidden finally burst, paralyzing her body like a poison. Whether if it was the realization that she did not expect to see him here or the way his eyes stopped on her and a little smile...

Oh God, that smile. The one she hadn't seen since--

No! She had to stop. She couldn’t do this now... or ever.

“Yeah, I’m right there, Buck!” Steve nodded at him and with that James went back outside. “Well, I’ll see you two later,” he smiled at them in a way that could only be described as awkward and with a little nod to Howard, we walked outside.

As the door closed behind Steve Natasha’s hand flew out to snatch the bottle of vodka from Howard, without even giving him glance, and he startled lightly. 

“Who the hell are you, lady?”Howard asked.

She looked at Tony and without having to ask the question, he nodded. So, instead of answering Howard’s question, to which she did not have an answer, she poured everyone a drink.

Tony did not know why she was drinking, he was just happy to have someone to drink all this down with. And Howard? Well, he seemed happy to be drinking in general.

She did say this wouldn’t be that hard, right?

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any kudos and comments are greatly appreciated and also here's [my tumblr](http://bluepink-y.tumblr.com/). You can prompt me or just come and say hi. I'm very friendly. Just ask the one person I'm actually communicating on that website...


	4. Bad ideas I.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at me! Are you proud? 
> 
> I know I promised a new chapter like 2 weeks ago, but I was honestly just procrastinating and I'm also working on something for Buckynat's Mini Bang, so that's pretty exciting!
> 
> Anyway, thank you all for the lovely messages and I'm sorry it always takes me so long.

That night could be described as uncomfortable. At least for Nat and Tony. Howard seemed to have the time of his life talking about the great Captain America and how much good he had done. But then it turned into a conversation about Steve and all the girls that were throwing themselves at him and apparently even some guys, which lead to Howard teaching them about some very colourful and offensive 40s slang for gay men. 

And so Natasha drank to stop feeling so cringey and Tony drank to poison himself just to remove himself from the whole situation. Or so it seemed. 

When it was close to morning Howard decided to take a nap on one of the beds, which meant she had to share a bed with Tony. At first, he turned his back to her, but she could see him shake. Was it anger, or anxiety? Was he crying? She had no idea, but Natasha decided to take her chance a gently scraped her nails down his back. 

She couldn’t remember if she has ever been affectionate with Tony, or if he’d even let her but she remembered how safe it made her feel when she felt the smooth touch of metal tracing patterns on her skin... 

Soon after Tony relaxed and started snoring.

 

 

That morning, after waking up with a foul taste in her mouth and Tony’s head on her stomach, she wondered how the fuck they were going to do this. She knew she could trust Tony, he wanted to get out and he knew how to keep his cool, but Howard made it unnecessarily hard. And then there was the feeling in her gut she couldn’t name. Like something was wrong, and not just the date, something was happening and she couldn’t figure out what. It was making her crazy, but her mind seemed hazy ever since she woke up in this bed.

Natasha heard some clunking behind the metal door before it opened just enough for James Barnes to poke his head trough. He looked around, his nose scrunching up when the smell hit him, while Natasha tried to be as still as possible in hopes he wouldn’t see her.

“Hey there, Red,” he whispered, smiling almost wolfishly. “Seemed like you had a fun night.”

“Hey, Soldier,” she smiled back, had to.

“Wanna get out and get some food?” His head disappeared from the door and just a moments later his hand appeared, holding something that looked like a woman’s army uniform.

Natasha looked down at drooling Tony, his face all shades of purple and yellow and his upper lip swollen. She shouldn’t. She couldn’t, really. She couldn’t get distracted, much less by  _ him _ .

“C’mon, Red, you gonn’ make me beg? I swear I’m fun.”

“And reckless,” Natasha sighed as she slowly put Tony’s head on the bed. He murmured something and then turned on his back.

She was going to regret this.

“That depends on who you ask.” He poked his head in again with a triumphant smile, letting his gaze fall to her shorts and then her naked legs. “Man, future looks fun.”

After Natasha put on the khaki pencil skirt and a tan shirt, she slowly sneaked out of the room. James was on the other side, waiting patiently with a pair of high heels in hand - his left hand - and Natasha couldn’t stop herself from ‘accidentally’ brushing her fingers against his as she took the heels from him. It felt... unsurprisingly same as his right one. She expected it to feel weird, or maybe wrong, but it sent shivers down her spine as much as his metal one.

It was stupid to think it would even feel different to her like the metal arm was one of the reasons she loved him and not just a part of him she happened to love.

“Follow me, m’lady.” He winked at her after she put on the heels and started walking slowly. 

The corridors were lit with yellow lights that made everything look a bit more sinister. There weren’t as many people as she thought there would be, but even the few they happened to pass, she realized how out of sorts she looked. Even with the uniform on, her hair was a mess, simply falling past her shoulders instead of the beautiful curls and waves the women here had. The lack of any make-up didn’t help much either.

“So,” he looked at her as if he didn’t notice the looks people were giving her. “You gonn’ tell me your name?”

Natasha considered that.  “What do I get for it?”

The corners of his lips quirked up at that and then he looked straightforward. She could see the slight stubble on his cheek, he didn’t shave that morning, but what caught her attention were the dark circles under his eyes. He looked like he hadn’t slept in days. He told her once, that he did not have to sleep as much as she did and she knew Zola already experimented on him at this point. For how long hadn’t he slept? Did he have nightmares? Was he awake all night trying to understand what was happening to him, maybe trying what his body could endure?

Already, she regretted coming with him. She felt so many emotions; she wanted to hug him and tell him what was happening to him. Tell him everything will be okay in the end. 

“I don’t think this is a good idea,” she said finally, stopping on the spot and she realized how quiet it was without the clicking of her heels.

He stopped a few steps in front of her, turning to look at her, confused. “I’m- I can bring the food to your... room.” He said a little disappointed and Natasha wanted to bang her head against the wall.

She should’ve said no right away, she shouldn’t have said yes. She was a selfish idiot wanting to be near him, just talk to him a little. She missed him, missed him so deeply it felt like her chest was being torn open every time she looked at him.

“I was just about to offer you a walk outside for your name.” He took a step closer, smiling like he didn’t want to scare her off. Gentle and warm and so so familiar...

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, J-sergeant. I don’t wanna get you in trouble.” It seemed like he caught the way she corrected herself, tilting his head to the side like a curious dog. 

What the hell was happening to her?! Why was this James cracking her open in a way even the Winter Soldier couldn’t? Was she really getting lazy?

“Wanna know a little secret, Red?” He leaned close to her, breathing on her neck and successfully making her train of thoughts stop. “No one but Howard and us know you are here.”

Oh, that son of a bitch! Natasha knew something was wrong when no one came in when she took off her handcuffs, or when no one came to interrogate them, but she did not pay it that much attention. Why? Why didn’t she pay attention? Something was happening and it wasn’t very good.

“How is he keeping it a secret?” She looked up at him.

As an answer, he smiled and extended his hand to her. 

‘How much worse could this get, right?’ She thought to herself as she took his hand.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at me trying to write Brooklyn accent.

**Author's Note:**

> Any comments and kudos are appreciated :-)


End file.
